Sometimes making a decision is difficult because we feel confused. One of the reasons for the confusion is symbiotic or entangled relationships. Symbiotic in terms of lacking emotional autonomy. We humans are herd animals and we are interdependent. We also are unique and need to find a way to connect with others while maintaining our individuality and autonomy.

At each stage of our development we go through different forms of symbiosis, symbiosis helps us mature and to gain more autonomy. Similar to Lev Vygotsky’s theory of learning and development, where he identified the Zone of Proximal Development (ZPD). ZPD represents the space between what a learner is capable of doing unsupported, what the learner can do with support and what the learner cannot do even with support. Thus, there are times when we need support and scaffolding until we get stronger and skilled to become autonomous. However, the problematic issue arises when the person is stuck in a symbiotic phase that no longer serves or empowers the person. On the contrary it limits growth. The main reason for this stuckness is fear of growing up, of taking responsibility for oneself, one’s needs, psychological well being and of making own decisions.

Some people confuse healthy autonomy with pseudo-autonomy, when they choose to never connect and get close to people or when they are showing off their pseudo-freedom, act ostentatiously, when in reality this behavior indicates that a person is engaging in a counterdependent relationship. Such people might be saying that they do not need anyone, that they value freedom and independence, but beneath such behavior often is anxious, avoidant or disorganized attachment. These types of attachments lead to unhealthy symbiotic relationships not just with people, but with ideas or places, in such cases people become slaves, slaves of their own mindset.

Making decisions in a confused mind set will not bring fulfillment, but will bring more regrets.