Conflict arises from differences, sometimes differences are large and sometimes they are small.

Conflicts arise each time people disagree over their values, motivations, perceptions, ideas or desires. More people involved in a conflict, the harder it is to find a workable solution.

There are five main causes of conflict: information conflicts, values conflicts, interest conflicts, relationship conflicts, and structural conflicts.

Information conflicts arise when people have misinformation, incomplete, insufficient information or disagree on the validity or source of information.

Value conflicts arise when people’s actual or perceived belief system defers. For example, one might believe that gossiping is toxic and damaging, and another that it is a way to promote cooperation and self-improvement.

Interest conflicts arise when there is competition over actual or perceived incompatible needs. This is when one person wants to satisfy their own needs and sacrifice the needs of the other. This often happens due to inability to be open-minded and to create opportunities for mutual benefit. Narrow mindedness comes out of fear, insecurities and perceived loss of control as well as out of jealousy and envy.

Relationship conflicts arise when there is poor communication, misperception and strong negative emotions. Strong negative emotions in the current conflict are an accumulation of all the similar conflicts a person had experienced and was unable to resolve with dignity previously in their life. Those types of conflicts may go way back to their childhood and have little to do with the current situation.

Structural conflicts arise when there is power imbalance and one exerts oppressive behavior over others. For example, structural discrimination.

There is no way to solve a conflict if all parties involved do not want to find a mutually beneficial resolution.

There are people who are conflict creators. They are not interested in finding a resolution. Have you ever met a person, everywhere they go conflict arises? These people are seeking any kind of attention, even if it is a negative one. Often those are people who were invisible to a significant adult in their childhood. They are usually bored, discontent people. They are never quite happy with things around them and instead of facing their own challenges they drain their life energy to create conflicts. They do it to avoid facing something vulnerable inside themselves or in their family. Creating conflicts keeps them distracted from facing their uncomfortable and sometimes painful feelings. Conflict creators instead of developing their strengths and growing are stuck in conflicts that they create. They often have a victim mentality, are aggressive and blaming others for self-inflicted conflicts. They are going in circles damaging relationships around themselves and at the end falling into a deeper hole of desperation themselves. It is unfortunate, but they waste their own life and dignity to destroy the lives of others instead of living up to their own full potential. They are depriving themselves of their inner resources and of outside healthy enriching connections.

There are, however, people who truly want to find mutually beneficial solutions to a desagrement, there are whistleblowers and those who challenge the status quo. Those kinds of people are interested in shifting from fighting to a resolution finding. They offer solutions. They are not interested in destruction, they are interested in creation. Anyone can break, not everyone can make.

Finding the resolution involves clear communication and an authentic desire to collaborate, to hear each other, to be open-minded, to think together, to come up with possible creative solutions, to acknowledge the value and importance of everyone involved, and to bring closure to an issue.

Conflict resolution involves understanding, compassion, tolerance, creativity, flexibility and wisdom. And healthy resolution of the conflict develops resilience.

Following are requirements to finding healthy and creative resolutions:

• Define clearly the problem and terminology. For example, when we talk about the usefulness of gossiping, are we talking about positive, neutral or negative gossiping?
• Talk about values before anchoring on a solution.
• Work together to find a range of possible creative solutions.
• Explore the consequences of those solutions.
• And be aware of cognitive and unconscious biases.
• Are you an unnecessary conflict creator?
• What are your conflict styles?
• Do you have an accommodating, avoiding, compromising, collaborating or competing style?