World Journal «Psychotherapy» 2011, №1 (4), pp. 55—61
Nikolay Linde Prof., PhD (Psychology), Professor of Moscow Humanitarian University, member of Board of Psychology and Acmeology, Moscow State Humanitarian University, member of Professional Psychotherapeutic League, Moscow, Russia E-mail: email@example.com
The intention of this article is to describe new approach to dealing with emotional dependence. The essence of this approach is that emotional dependence is based on the feelings “invested” in the other person, or parts of person’s personality. These feelings or parts of personality could be returned back to the owner using the method of emotional image therapy. This provides immediate and full relieve of dependence. Examples of correctional work with different types of emotional dependence using the method of emotional image therapy are provided.
Keywords: Emotional dependence, emotional –image, therapy, autonomy, fixation, to identify oneself with, to let somebody go.
Emotional dependence is a loss of personal autonomy, or a loss of the sense of personal autonomy due to emotional reasons.
In this state of loss, the subject of it:
1. Suffers due to inaccessibility of the object of feelings, or due to impossibility to change his/her behavior, or due to inadequate power of the object over him/her;
2. Feels that it is impossible to get rid of dependence;
3. Feeling that bounds the person, makes constant negative impact on his/her life journey, general state, decision making and behavior of the person.
There are several types of the emotional dependence. It might be love dependence on one certain person, the relationship with which are cancelled or, vice versa, can’t be cancelled. It might be dependence on the sense of love itself (amor insanus). It might be dependence based on the sense of obligation, e.g. when a woman can’t cancel her relationship with alcoholic or drug addict, as she feels that without her he might “go to the bad”, and she might feel guilty for it. It might be dependence based on hatred or soreness; in this case it is impossible to cancel being dependent because feelings can’t find its resolution. It might be dependence on the mother (or some other person) with whom the silver cord still exists. In this case the person automatically experiences the same feelings as the object of the dependence. It might be dependence based on the feeling of self helplessness, when a person feels total subordination to somebody. E.g., a young girl might feel that psychologically she is still in the womb, and she is afraid of facing the real world. It might be emotional dependence on the person, who has been dead in case if there was no chance to bid farewell, etc. A person might suffer with feeling, which makes him dependent on somebody; this suffer being unconscious, or the person might just come to terms with it, or even not be willing to get rid of it. Psychological help in this case is aimed on the state when the client would be ready to switch from the state of dependence to the state of independence, and then later, upon his/her will, to the state of co-dependence. We don’t believe that the expression “co-dependence” is the most adequate here, although it is widely used in literature. One might think that two individuals become the slaves of each other, while they both are free feeling necessity in each other and love.
It is good if in case of a sudden break-off, a young man can just say something like: “If my bride is going to dump me with my friend, God knows which one of us got luck…” Unfortunately, there are much more cases when people prefer to say” Than you will belong to nobody!” or “Have you pray’d to-night, Desdemona?”, or:”My life is over…” Very often professional psychotherapeutic help is needed in such cases and presumes hard job of both psychotherapist and the client. Using emotional –image therapy method we managed to find some quick and effective means of solving such problems. With this method the client finds oneself independent. It helps us a lot in understanding of the nature of emotional dependence and psychological aspects of it’s onset.
Example 1. “The Blue Ball”
During the workshop in one of the institutes, a third year student approached me asking to help her to solve the problem of torch love. She was in love for two years by that time. Every day she was thinking “only about him”, she lived automatically, with no interest in anything else. Her friends recommended to her to fall in love with somebody else, but she couldn’t. She had visited psychoanalyst with no result.
In the very beginning of the session I suggested that she imagined her boyfriend sitting on the chair in front of her. I asked her to describe emotions that she felt. She answered that she felt strong affinity to him in all her body and this feeling was concentrated in the chest. Further on, according to the main scheme of the therapy I suggested that she imagined this feeling on the same chair. She said that it was bright blue ball which definitely belonged to her. In the same time she wanted to throw this ball away, but she was reluctant of doing it because, as she said, it was like as if she died.
Even at this point it became obvious that it was a dead end situation for the girl. She definitely wanted to supersede her feelings, because she was suffering; and simultaneously she didn’t want to lose it. The blue ball being the image of her ability to love was projected on the young man, but she didn’t have contact with this part of her personality, that is why she was apathetic, and was unable to fall in love with anybody else. And this ability to love produced a strong appeal to gain this blue ball again.
Then I suggested that she had 2 options to get out of the dead end situation:
1. To throw the ball away;
2. To accept it as a part of personality.
Only after she tries both options it will become clear what action suits her better. But she expressed strong resistance and denied both variants. In order to break this rigid system I suggested that the whole group participated in the process. Every member of the group stood behind the girl making a speech in her name, pro and contra the ball. Everybody was touched by the problem; feelings were expressed emotionally. The girl still couldn’t make decision.
Then I decided to aggravate situation and used gestalt therapy method: I suggested that she stands in the middle of the room with her hands spread, and the rest of the group was suggested to pull her in the direction of the solution found by the group and to persuade her into one of the versions. It was a real battle with all men wanting to throw the ball away, and all women wanting it to be accepted as a part of girl’s personality. But the girl instantly screamed: “No way will I get rid of it!” and rushed to join the group of women, although men did their best to hold her.
As the decision has been made, I stopped the “game” and asked her how she was feeling. She was surprised to admit that she was feeling fine, with the ball being in her heart.
– But, – she added, – I don’t think it will last long. I’ve been suffering for such a long time, I’ve visited a shrink… and it took you only an hour…. Most probably my sufferings will be back.
I suggested that she took her seat and imagined her boyfriend again standing in front of her.
– What do you feel now?
– It’s strange, as I feel sympathy for him, but I am not suffering…
– Could you now let him go? Could you tell him you wish him happiness after abandoning you?
– Yes, now I can. (Appealing to the image of the boyfriend): I let you go and I wish you happiness … being without me.
Now I suggested my interpretation of the situation. I told her that, alongside with feelings she wanted to get rid of, she threw away her own heart. But with the heart being the source of love and other feelings, it was obvious that she would feel apathy. Now, when her heart was back again she may stop suffering and let her boyfriend go, still feeling sympathy for him. This is what Pushkin said in his famous poem when he bid goodbye to his beloved girl: “I used to love you, and probably love still didn’t die away form my soul….”
After this explanation another girl said:
– I just realized that I had the same feeling for 8 years. I was keeping my boyfriend around for all the time, and I was suffering myself and made other people suffer, and I couldn’t live and couldn’t love. Now I am going to stop it.
Being overfilled with emotions she jumped on the chair and announced that from now on her boyfriend was free and could live his own life while she was going to live hers…
The workshop ended up with general discussion of the problem.
In a week I encountered the first girl again. With her eyes sparkling she had admitted that it was first week in her life when she was happy.
After follow up with her till the end of the semester, I was positive everything was fine with her. On our last session she confirmed that she was not suffering any more, but she had very warm feelings to her ex-boyfriend.
Comments: Later I realized that interpretation of the girl forcing her heart out was not relevant. She really did it, but from the very beginning her heart had been dedicated to her boyfriend, and she didn’t want to get it back as she thought that in this case she would definitely lose her love.
This idea gave start to the series of successful sessions on emotional dependence. Of course, we are far from the idea that the heart of one person might be moved into the body of his/her beloved one, but it is very often to hear the lovers saying that their heart belongs to the loved ones. The poets write: “My heart is up the mountains with me standing at the root of it”. One’s life might be influenced by many objects, which do not exist in reality, but have real and objected impact on the person.
If a person had inoculated (or “projected”) part of his/her personality into the other person, he/she constantly feels attachment of some part of personality with the other person, i.e. dependence. He/she is bonded to the other person as his/her feeling or a part of his/her personality is attached to the partner. Z. Freud said that libido as a result of fixation might get attached to the object, and in this case the object receives emotional impulse, called cathexis. In his famous work “Melancholy” Freud said that grief worked in the way that libido gradually was being withdrawn from the beloved, but lost object.
But, neither Freud, no any other famous psychotherapist does describe methods (except for awareness and catharsis) which would be aimed on the getting back the lost feelings or parts of personality. If those methods exist, everybody would be aware of them. It is absolutely obvious why there are no methods like this one. The only technique which might be used in this case is the method of emotional image therapy because it gives opportunity to get projected feelings as an image, and then, by means of returning this image back into the body, to return one’s own resources. It is practically impossible to return one’s feelings back only by means of verbal techniques. Moreover, for the majority of psychotherapists, the concept itself seems unreal, as the method in which the feelings might be moved as objects, might be identified with, might be adopted in one’s body or released from it, contradicts the traditional concepts.
Let’s have another example of how this idea works with emotional image therapy method.
Example 2. One More Broken Love
A young man asked me to help him to figure out what was wrong in his relationship with his girlfriend. The affair started when they both were 15 years old, as strong and sincere feeling. They had sex and were absolutely happy with each other. But as years passed by, it was time to get married, him still being a poor student who couldn’t support the family. The girl got offended and married a rich guy. She gave birth to a baby, although being unhappy in her marriage. She had repented of what she did, and started trying to rehabilitate former relationships with her ex-lover. She divorced with her rich husband, money and career still being her main priorities.
The young man didn’t want to rehabilitate former relationships any more, but he couldn’t get rid of past feelings, couldn’t stand her persistence, although he didn’t trust her love any more. By that time he was already able to support the family, but didn’t want to be bounded with former girlfriend.
First I thought that he just was too much insulted and self-prided. May be I was supposed to just help him to forgive his girlfriend and make them join again? But the young man was strong in his decision to get rid of this emotional dependence. He was positive that the girl had low morals and believed that she was manipulating him. He couldn’t bear the fact that she had neglected his wonderful feelings, and caused him the pain she did. He was sure that he himself would never be initiating restoration of their relationship. Our first session was used for establishing priorities and for decision making of what should be done.
In the beginning of the first meeting, the young man confirmed that he had no slightest inclination to resume their relationship, but he needed assistance in getting rid of this dependence and of sufferings which it caused.
Being led by theoretical ideas that emotional dependence is based only on those “investments”, which the subject had “invested” in the loved one, I suggested that the client composed an image of these feelings in front of him. After a while, the young man said that those feelings looked like a huge golden clod with a piece of thread, which connected it with a balloon. We specified that the ball symbolized the girl, who possessed his feelings.
After it I recommended the young man to absorb this clod, aka his feelings, into himself, as his energy. It was hard for him to understand how it was possible to do that. The solution came out suddenly.
– I should get inside this clod myself! It is bigger than I am.
– Okey, then do it.
In his imagination he got inside this clod and felt that he was overwhelmed by all his lost feelings. It was like shining golden aura, his whole body was filled with it, and the balloon was hanging over somewhere in the distance.
– These feelings even protect me; I feel that I am strong and independent. They belong to me now, and I am free to do whatever I want to. I might focus these feelings on somebody else… How could she dare to ignore such wonderful feelings?!
– What do you feel now about this girl?
– You know, I don’t really care. I don’t even want to drive Mercedes in front of her… I am really free.
– Probably we should have one more session to make sure that we achieved strong result? Maybe it will be needed to do something else?
– No, I am positive I don’t need another session. If needed, I’ll give you a call.
He left the office with very firm walk and never called back again.
Comments. This case, as well as many others serves as perfect example of how a person with the help of conscious actions towards the image of the feeling, can return his/her feelings back and by this obtain relieve from emotional dependence. So, why and how emotional fixation takes place? From the standpoint of traditional psychology there is no doubt about it. It’s happens simply when one person is fond of the other and this other one’s libido is tied to him/her; it might happen either in case of transition from the previous experiences, or it might be just a result of pleasant perceptions and needs.
Our point of view is absolutely different from the classical model. The one we use might be called “investing”. The idea of it is that the depending person invests in object his/her feelings, or parts of his/her personality hoping to get this or that profit out of it. Under the profit we don’t mean money, but feelings or benefits. When people in love ask each other: “Do you love me?” “Will you love me forever?” etc… They just want to be sure that their “investments” are “profitable” and safe, and that they themselves will be the object for investments. The best version of love is when both partners make investments in each other and that is why they remain being precious to each other. They are afraid to lose their investments, that is why they take care of their relationship. One of the partners’ adultery presumes that one keeps making investments, and the other stops making it, i.e. he/she doesn’t expect to be a “profit” for the partner.
When the relationship between the partners is over, the invested feelings and parts of personality are “leaving” the person for the one who separates. These “investments” are of great value for those whom they had belonged to. Moreover, if it was, like poets say, soul or heart invested, and then the person fails to love again, as he/she had already lost the opportunity to love (see example1). That is why, when the young woman complains that she fails to fall in love and she has no interest in men any more, we could suspect that she is psychologically already married. Like they say: “I am sorry, but my heart is already occupied…”
Traditionally, psychotherapists believe, that in case the relationships with the partner are already broken, one should mentally (and/or in reality) say goodbye and let the person go. But, it is easy to say, but hard to do because the heart, the soul and the feelings still remain with those, who they were presented to…
Before you let the situation go, you should get back your “investments”, otherwise the situation will not be solved. Sometimes it happens spontaneously, but in the majority of cases the problem of emotional dependence remains very difficult, perhaps due to the poor understanding of its importance.
Often psychologists recommend mentally to torn or cut the connecting cord, or mentally to shoo the former partner, etc. These mechanical methods might give the person relieve, but as far as people are connected not by cords, but by feelings, it is a temporal solution, partial and not stable.
Fritz Perls had developed the 5-steps model of separation in case of the death of beloved one. It consists of following parts:
1. Admission of the fact;
2. Completion of the unfinished deeds;
3. Farewell ceremony;
5. Welcoming of the new day.
Same or almost the same scheme of therapeutic work might be used in all the cases of loss or separation, as well as in the case of emotional dependence. But it lacks one part, which we already wrote about: getting back of the lost feelings or parts of one’s personality. It’s nearly matches with Z. Freud’s concept of deprivation of libido from the lost object of love due to the grief. It might be done using our procedure which may make the grief’s load much more light and quick. But with grief or loss, this procedure might be of less value (although we successfully used it in such situations), than in the situations of emotional dependence. In case of emotional dependence the person has no hope to return the loved one, so the lost feelings are eventually getting back as they have no anchor anymore.
But this is the reason why the subject doesn’t want to accept the fact of death; he/she is trying to pick at the illusion of the object’s existence. He/she can’t accept the idea of loss of all his/her feelings, hopes and parts of personality. He/she can’t even guess to get it back, and has no slightest idea about such possibility.
With the help of invested feelings he/she holds the object like a monkey holds bait inside of carved pumpkin, having no clue that it is just supposed to unclench the fist. A person, who loves, just can’t imagine that he/she can let the object of his/her love go. They accept the object of love as a person who endows all his/her feelings and parts of personality. That is why the process of letting the person go usually causes strong open or hidden resistance. Sometimes the person might just be unaware of how to do it.
Restitution of the feelings and parts of personality with the help of the image of these feelings does not cause resistance, as individual loses nothing. This action can’t make any moral harm, as it doesn’t cause damage to the object of love, doesn’t send away, doesn’t let down. Never the less, after this action the object of attraction might easily be let go, as he/she doesn’t obtain attraction any more.
But the subject might have strong motives against actions that psychotherapist wants him/her to make, and this cause new obstacles and specifics of work. Psychotherapist is supposed to know how to overcome the client’s resistance and reluctance to get freedom.
Example 3. “Trepid Dove”
A girl could not forget her boyfriend, who had abandoned her 2 years ago. Every night she imagined that he was around, although it was very painful for her. Of course, I’ve asked her about the reasons of separation and of possibilities of fix-up… It was clear that she had to say farewell and let her boyfriend go.
I suggested that she imagined her feelings or parts of her personality, which she “invested’ in her boyfriend, and which she lost when he had abandoned her. She immediately said it was a dove. I explained to her that dove usually symbolized a soul, and asked whether she was ready to return those dove being a part of her personality back to herself? She agreed that the dove was really a part of her personality but she was afraid to get it back …
– Because I dub its wings.
– Why did you do it?
– Not to let it go…
It was first obstacle. I had to explain to the girl that the soul can’t fly away from oneself and it will always belong to her. And it was very difficult to explain to her that the more one tries to hold somebody around, the more he/she will try to get away… After I had explained all this to the girl, I then suggested that she will try to tell the dove, that the girl will stop dubbing its wings. It worked, as a dove decided to get back to the girl, although it was still hesitating of doing it. No assurances from the girl worked, although she was strongly encouraged by me. The second obstacle occurred when I watched the girl’s speaking and intonating. I realized that it was she herself being afraid of the dove. She was afraid of its freedom, afraid that it could again let her feelings follow it… It was the same fear which made her to dub the dove’s wings. This problem required new approach. I suggested that the girl told the dove that she will not be afraid of it. The girl was surprised as she was positive that it was a dove, which was afraid of her. Without any explanation I insisted that it was paradox psychotherapeutic technique and she had to try following it. She agreed and the dove immediately flew into her chest… A girl took a deep and free breath, her eyes shining, she felt much better, with all her fears just vanishing. Now, when she imagined her ex-boyfriend, she felt that she was absolutely free of him. She could easily say him good-bye and confirmed that she was no longer suffering and didn’t feel dependent. When we met in a week she confirmed stability of results.
Comments. Within this case we managed to discuss two more possible obstacles, which might be found with returning back the invested feelings:
1. A person (being an invested part of personality) is supposed to force against oneself and as a result to distrust oneself;
2. A person is afraid of getting back his/her own part of personality, being afraid that it will let him/her down or will rule over him/her. This being a manifest of splitting apart and fear of poor self control.
Based on this case, we can come to the conclusion that the subject of emotional dependence feels lack of self confidence, doesn’t appreciate oneself, doesn’t trust his/her own feelings or capacities. The person resists to getting freed from dependence, on which he/she complains, as he/she is afraid, that being free he/she might make same mistakes, will fail to find a decent partner, etc.
Emotional Dependence and Psychosomatics
Emotional dependence might cause psychosomatic symptoms, which are mistakenly treated not as a result of the dependence, but as a somatic disorder. A person looks for medical help with no results. Let’s discuss 2 scenarios of how this might happen.
Example 4. “A Spider on the Back”.
During one of the workshops, a student asked to help her to solve a psychosomatic problem. She felt constant severe low back pain; this pain caused her problems with sleeping, as she felt pain in any position. She tried to get medical help, but failed.
I suggested that she imagined the pain as an object. She said it as a big spider sitting on her back. A spider being a symbol of a male, I suspected that she had problems with her partner. She said that her boyfriend was drug addicted, and she was doing her best to save him, with no success. Several times she unsuccessfully tried to cancel their relationship. We used different methods trying to get rid of the spider on her back, but nothing worked.
She realized that she definitely failed in her attempt to save her boyfriend, but somehow she “couldn’t” let him go. Then I suggested that she in the name of the spider answered a question: “Do I need to be saved and drugged on her back God knows where?”
Replying in his name the girl realized that her boyfriend didn’t want it in any way, that being the reason why he was so reluctant to it. Immediately she was able to let the spider go, and it vanished; her low back pain dissolving the very same moment.
That same night she quit their relationship. In some time she started dating with the other man, got married him, gave birth to a baby and lived happily. Since that time she never felt back pain again (at least for 4 years after the event). She had told me that story 4 years after it had happened, and by that time I had completely forgotten about it.
Comments. It was obvious that the student didn’t want to split with her boyfriend, as she mistakenly thought she was responsible for his life. Besides, she believed that some miracle might happen and simultaneously was afraid to be responsible for his falling down. That is why she was not sincere when she tried different methods, which were recommended to her initially. Giving the answer in the name of the “spider”, she realized that her boyfriend didn’t want to be rescued and his future was predetermined by his own wish, and she was not responsible for it. She understood that she was holding him on her back against his own will. This spontaneous awareness, which was impossible to be achieved earlier during therapeutic séances, gave her chance to let her boyfriend go. She stopped feeling responsibility and gilt, as well as string up her back for the sake of his rescue. This is why she didn’t feel low back pain any more, and managed to split with this man, and to get rid of the false call of duty.
This case being both about psychosomatic and emotional dependence, is based on the on the call of duty.
Example 5. “25 Years of Heart Pain”
70 year old female was suffering of chronic heart pain. She had to stop for rest several times while walking. Sporadically she was feeling so bad, that she was afraid of a sudden death. This started 25 years ago after the death of her civil husband. She never had any affairs again. His death was a real chock for her, but she believed that she managed to cope with this loss and to totally rehabilitate.
I suggested that she imagined this heart pain. It looked like a blade… She was very surprised when I guessed that her heart problems were due to this old psychological trauma.
– No, it’s impossible… It happened 25 years ago…Of course, I had been suffering those days, but now I am okay.
– Then it will be easy for you to let this blade go…
– I do let it go, but it doesn’t want to…
– Well, but still, make another try…
– But it still doesn’t want to vanish…
– It means that 25 years ago you gave him something valuable for you, and you still didn’t get it back….
– Can you imagine how it looks like?
– It is my wounded heart…
– Are you sure it’s your heart?
– I am positive it is!
– Do you want to get it back?
– I do, but it has such a deep wound that I might feel bad…
– No, when you adopt your heart back, you will immediately feel better. You just tell it that you allow it to heal and that you will never wound it again…
– Yes, it is back on its place now and slowly healing…
– Tell me when it is completely healed…
– It is already. I feel much better…
-Now have a look at the blade again…
– It doesn’t exist any more… It vanished…
I’ve wrapped up the séance. Later she told me that she never felt that heart pain again and there was no need for her to make stops on her way to the bus stop to recover.
Comment. This case being an example of emotional dependence which might last for many years, a person might even not realize it.
Emotional Dependence and Confluent
There are a lot of cases when dependence is predetermined by strong confluent with mother (mother being the most typical, but not the only object). It happens more often with girls rather than with boys.
An adult remains being a child, who feels via the feelings of the other person, with no idea of how to accept oneself as an individual and how to live her/his own life. The problem is that the person doesn’t know how to feel autonomously, she/he had never experienced independence; moreover, the person is afraid of being independent, feeling that it is something immoral or betraying.
At the same time a person might be suffering of the fact that she/he always makes decisions and rules her/his life according to what mother is thinking about it; he/she is always concerned about mom’s health or freak, and feels horrible when even thinking about mom’s death. A person always has sense of guilt towards her/his mother, etc.
It is very difficult to get rid of such dependence. In my practice I encounter a lot of such problems. While standard verbal therapy might be very long term, using emotional image therapy method seems very encouraging.
During the workshop I got a request from 35 years old mother. She felt that all her life was insignificant; she was depending on her mother in all her feelings and decisions. Mother’s needs and opinions were much more important than her own ones, any mother’s cold was equal a disaster, and the idea that mother might eventually die led to the concept that it would be the end of existence. Mother did not live under the same roof with the daughter, but still her influence was overwhelming and not adequate.
The daughter realized that it was something odd in their relationship, but couldn’t understand what was going wrong. The main goal of the session was to help woman realize what part of her personality she submitted to her mother in the childhood and why did she do it? It turned that it was her small heart, but in spite of the fact that it was definitely her own heart, it took her a while to return it back to herself. Finally she managed to return her heart back to its place in her body, her mentality changing immediately.
She suddenly realized that her mother was a person leaving her own life and heaving her own history of being twice married, being a character and having her own misconceptions… But she was really amazed by herself feeling separation and independence.
While she was realizing this new reality she obtained, a small heart inside her started growing and turned into a big one worse of it’s full value. Psychologically she didn’t possess it. Now she realized that she was able to make decisions according to her own needs. It was amazing….
In case of blending of personalities, other technique might be used. There are a lot of cases when the client psychologically stays within the womb (it is expressed in the images of an egg, bag, pot or a cave in which the object exists.) It seems like a person refuses to be born. Psychotherapist might use different techniques: a client might imagine his/her own birth, (actually, symbol drama, psycho drama or gestalt therapy might also be used here), but in our practice we developed special approach which sometimes helps to solve the problem very easily. We tell the client that it is he/she who keeps the mother’s womb. Of course, he/she agrees with that. After it we recommend to let the womb go, appealing to its image with adequate words. If it doesn’t work, we add the method of returning the feelings back, which was described earlier.
During the workshop, I suggested that the students make an exercise of mentally entering the circle of “Health”. The reaction of being inside of the circle was different, but mostly positive. It was only one young girl who said that she was surprised to find herself in some pot, being apathetic and immobilized; she tried to get out of there, and saw herself in the sea, but again being apathetic.
I told her that most probably it was hard delivery her mother had had with her, or it was strong dependence on her mother. She confirmed both. “You should let your mother and her womb go. You are keeping them, not vice versa! But it presumes hard work. We could deal with it later if you want…” And I started discussing the impressions of the other members of the group. In some time the girl jumped up and started running back and force being very agitated. Of course, I’ve asked what had happened to her and whether she wanted to discuss the problem. She answered, that she already followed my advice, and she was ready to do everything herself.
I resumed working with the group, and the girl kept marching back and force, and then she suddenly stopped running and started crying. Eventually she became quiet and took her place back… A couple of months later when I met her, she confirmed that she really solved her problem and her dependence on her mother and on mother’s womb disappeared.
Comments. This case being an example of release of dependence, when the client lets the object which he/she believes is keeping him/her go. E.g., a client might say that he/she feels like “being imprisoned”, and can’t get out of it. He/she is recommended… to let the prison go! The prison ruins, the client become free… This is when he/she realizes that he/she himself had constructed the prison.
This technique sometimes might be used alongside with the previous one. It is worse while to return the lost parts of personality, and then to let the object of the dependence go. Criteria of success being when the client manages to let the object of self dependence go (not to chase away, because harassment is inappropriate!). If it is possible only to tear the connection apart using the force, it means that in reality it still exists.
Emotional dependence might have various forms. It can be a real problem for a lot of people who may not even realize that their problems are predetermined by this very one. The problem seems to be very difficult, but using the new methods described, it might be easily solved.
Some of my students use this technique very successfully in their practice.