This post is inspired by an interview of Lucius Usmanova with Nikolay Linde. Lucius is the author of the project “You can do it!” and Nikolay Linde is an author of emotion-image therapy, an original psychotherapeutic approach.
There may be several reasons for it.
- It could be due to some trauma, which leads to fear of taking action.
- It could be due to being out of place. For example, an artist by spirit is doing IT work because of parental pressure to choose a practical college major.
- It could be due to living in the fantasy world and believing that things just happen on their own without exerting any effort into them. In unwillingness to take action, to invest energy into the project, a goal, a person or a relationship. Such people quit after a first failure. They do not persevere.
- It could be due to negative parental messages: Don’t do, Don’t succeed or Don’t be. Messages that are psychologically damaging to a child (from transactional analysis).
“Don’t do”. For example, parents may say to their child: “you will never amount to anything”, “you cannot do anything right”, “I will do it for you”. People who received such messages in their childhood feel as if they are fragile and incompetent. They have trouble making decisions and taking responsibility.
“Don’t succeed” or “do not do better than me”. For example, if a father fails to build a business, a son, unconsciously, cannot succeed. Son feels that he shouldn’t get better results than dad.
“Don’t be”, which often is expressed through hidden / latent depression. Those are people whose parents didn’t want them or told them: “You were a mistake”, “I wish you’d never been born!”, “I wanted to abort you”, “I struggled in life because of you.” The person gets a message that they are not needed in this world and as a result they do not have a drive for life.
Some of the above reasons are easier to work with and some are more challenging. I use techniques from emotion-image therapy to discover the reasons for your failures and then to dissolve the obstacles. Contact me if you struggle to succeed in a particular area of your life, be it any type of relationships, a career or a project.