I just watched a video of Stromae – Papaoutai, and was surprised to see how clearly it portrays the effect parents have on their children. The child in a song is repeating a verse: “Où t’es, papaoutai? / Where are you? Dad, where are you?” How difficult it is for a child to have a depressed or sick or rigid or indifferent or cold or unavailable parent. A child of such a parent makes an unconsciously decision to make that parent happy, to unfreeze the parent’s warm feelings. A child becomes an overachiever in the hope and effort to revive, to thaw out the parent so that the parent will love the child with a warm and tender love. By making such a decision the child devotes his life to his parents and is unable to live their own life. And then there is a point when they give up, life energy sips away because it is never enough and it is an overwhelming burden.
This music video reminded me of how important it is for parents to be responsible for their own mental health! Be authentically proactive in learning how to generate joy and interest in life.
Also, I recently learned from Olga Berg that imposter syndrome forms in a child with a depressive mom. Why? Because a person with the imposter syndrome does not own his success. Such a person cannot accept it because it is done not for his own good, but is directed towards and for their mom! So, they do not feel that achievements belong to them. They are unable to accept and own it because their results are for their mom!